April 11, 2011

My Thought On A Monday Morning

Category: Entertainment — Cranky @

I’m going to buy a black light, some tonic water, and some tomato sauce, and store it until it’s needed. You see, tonic water glows very brightly in black light.

Then, the next time that I have the flu, and I know vomiting is imminent, I’m going to mix up half a liter of tomato-and-tonic sauce and drink it. Then, after yakking with exceptional ferocity, but before flushing, I’m going to turn out the lights in the bathroom, fire up the black light, and take a picture. C.S.I. says that’ll be very interesting.

If I ever release an album, that’s gonna be the cover. I’ll call it, “Exceptional Ferocity”.


February 7, 2011

The Radio Made Me Sad

Category: Entertainment — Cranky @

Over the last twelve years I’ve ignored the radios in my cars, preferring to listen to CD I found on my own through internet searches and forums. So this past week I decided to leave my own music at home and listen to the radio when driving. I’ve traversed the dial, from one end to the other, and I said in the header, the radio made me sad.

My good heavens, but what a cess-pool over-the-air radio has become. I swear, if we ever invent time travel somebody needs to go back before the guys at Antares invent Autotune and shoot them.

For those who don’t know, Autotune is something you can run sound through that can correct off-key singing. It was the industry’s dirty little secret. Faith Hill, Tim McGraw and Shania Twain have used it to fix their vocals during performances, although Reba McEntire refuses to, bless her heart.

Then somebody figured out if you cranked it up, you could make your voice jump around like a synthesizer. Cher released “Believe”, launching a dumbing-down of music the likes of which I’ve never seen. Auto-tune is EVERYWHERE. I think it might be illegal to write hip-hop without using it. And it has become a substitute for being able to sing.

And the lyrics… I put in more radio time this week than in the past entire decade, and I couldn’t find one song with lyrics that are anything but throw-away junk.

I don’t claim this decade is somehow flawed, musically. There’s plenty of good music being made. But wow, has radio fallen on its face.


September 2, 2010

Greeting from Las Vegas!

Category: Entertainment — Cranky @

Well, I’m ensconced in Bally’s Hotel on the strip, and I’m not sure what I think about 38 degrees centigrade at night. Thank heavens for air conditioning in the room.

We got in at 7:30 p.m. And it’s already been a full night. A lovely filet mignon for dinner, several miles of idle travel, and a rousing rendition of Seven Deadly Nights by a band in an Irish pub… A good time was had by all.

I was even propositioned by an slightly inebriated but enthusiastic prostitute who proceeded to rub her large breasts on me while saying how it would be fun to go to my hotel room. Now I’m definitely a supporter of breasts (or at least as often as I can be! Hah!) but I politely declined.

I really like this town and it’s fabulous plastic pretext for selling the raw materials of gambling and sex. Nobody in my home town ever tried to give me porn on a street corner. Good times!

6 nights to go!