April 26, 2010

Getting Back in the Groove

Category: General — Cranky @

I have no good reason for not posting recently. I have some ideas, I have some time… I’ve just been lazy. I enjoy writing, and I really enjoy the masturbatory act that is blogging, so why don’t I just resume the practice?

Actually, that’s a very good question. So I will, in fact, resume it.

What to talk about, though? There’s so much material. I can put to death some more cartoon characters, I can discuss the economy, I can expound upon the virtues of some insignificant thing that matters to nobody… and there are at least ten people in the world that will listen to me do it, including my mother who still checks this site every day.

I’d like to say I owe it to people everywhere to continue my opinionated semi-nonsense, but the internet is already a cess-pool of discardable material. Fully nine tenths of stuff published online could be eliminated and the world would be better off – and possibly nine-tenths of my material is included.

Regardless, I shall once again regurgitate the partially digested stuff in my brain, arranging the vomitus in neat little articles on the pages of this site. Tread carefully, lest you get some of it on your shoes.

Cranky

December 16, 2009

Closed Until 2010

Category: General — Cranky @

Well, here we are in Mid-December, and my last post was on October 28th. I’ve had about 20 emails asking me if something was wrong with the site, and the answer is “no”. After 5 years and goodness knows how many articles, I’ve just been coming up dry on ideas.

Actually, 20 emails is pretty good. I thought I had less than 10 readers.

So this will be my last post in 2009. Two weeks from now, on January 1, we will resume our regular schedule of arrogance, ridiculousness, insight, and perversion.

Merry Christmas to all!

Cranky

October 22, 2007

I Just Plain Don't Like… Those People. You Know Who I Mean.

Category: General — Cranky @

You know, it’s pretty hard to find somebody less racist than me. I don’t look down on any particular group, although the intentionally stupid get on my nerves. Pretty much all of the wrongs done to me in my life have been done by caucasians, of which I am one.

Thinking about it, though, there are so many racists in the world that I can’t help but think there must be something, well, just terrific about being narrow-minded and intolerant. So I’ve decided to join their ranks!

But who to hate? I have too many friends from too many nationalities for this to be an easy decision. After due consideration, though, I’ve decided on the country that shall bear the brunt of my hatred!

Uruguay.

Look at it, sitting down there in South America. “Oh, look at me! I’m only the second least corrupt nation on my continent! I’ve got a temperate climate and gentle landscapes!” Pricks. Bunch of idiots, too, with their 97.7 percent literacy rate. That’s fully 75,900 illiterate Uru… Uru… Uruguanians? Uruguyans? What a stupid name for a country.

Crappy GDP, too, at $11,969 per capita. Combine that with an unbelievable 9.7% unemployment rate, and it’s clear they’re slackers of the highest order.

They’re the 125th highest emitter of carbon dioxide in the world. They’ll never industrialize themselves to acceptable levels unless they start cranking out those emissions. That’s not temperature increase due to climate change, that’s the slow boil of success! They don’t even use enough electricity to be taken seriously – they rank 88th in the world.

This motley collection of primarily European descendants has the nerve to market many of their products as “natural”, I don’t know how they’re going to get reasonable yields on their cattle and wine without steroids and insecticides. But then Uru… Uru… those people aren’t known for being especially smart (or so I assume).

Some people might say that I’m not being racist, since it’s not technically a race that I am targeting, but I’d like to think a country also qualifies. So I’ve got my eye on you, Uruguay. I’m one step away from starting a campaign of newsletters and subtle discrimination. You’d better make sure that none of your citizens move next door to me!

Cranky (now 10% racist!)