October 28, 2009

Why I Must Stay Single

Category: Life — Cranky @

Recently I’ve had several opportunities to start a relationship, but I’ve elected to pass on them. I’m something of an oddity among my friends and family. At 39 one might expect I might be trying to find someone, but I have a very good reason for staying single.

I absolutely will not park outside.

Let’s say that I meet somebody, grow to like them, date them, fall in love… eventually the expectation will be that we live together. I’m not opposed to this idea. However, I am only a year into the mortgage on my condo, and there is a large glut of new condos being built around my neighbourhood. Prices will be driven down by availability, and it will be difficult to unload this one, so we would probably live in my place.

I have one parking stall, and it’s underground, heated, and secure. There is no additional parking, save for on the street.

Now having only one car between us might be an option, but I doubt it’s a reasonable one. I’m too used to always having my vehicle available to me, and I’m sure a late-30’s woman would want the same freedom. Incurring tens of thousands of dollars of new debt in order to move to a new home with better parking would obviously be silly.

Now perhaps in order to smooth the transition the fictional girl in this scenario might say, “No problem, I’ll park on the street.” Then along comes winter. Now I can be a prick in the short term, but after a few cold mornings of watching her scrape her windows the chivalry gene would emerge dominant and I would be forced to say, “Alright, honey, I’ll park outside.”

Since I don’t see the path leading anywhere but outside, and I absolutely will not park outside, the most reasonable choice is to completely avoid the trap.


October 22, 2009

Yuck. I mean, that's really slimy.

Category: Life — Cranky @

I’m a “live and let live” kind of guy. I realize that my view of the world is spectacularly limited, and what other people are into may not float my boat, but c’est la vie. To each their own, and have fun.

Having said that, I strenuously object to beauty pageants for preschool girls. Be prepared to hear some ill-considered, short-sighted generalizations that can’t be directly supported.

Any clinical psychologist can tell you it takes many years of therapy to try to rebuild a personality crushed in childhood, and you can’t convince me that toddler pageants can do anything but damage these children. Those parents are instilling into the children the idea that beauty is EVERYTHING, an all-encompassing end goal that must be achieved and maintained at all costs, and they are doing it at the most impressionable time. How can that be a good thing? How can these poor girls NOT end up on a psychiatrist’s couch when the looks fade?

Maybe that explains the mothers. The mothers of these children seem to fall into two categories: women who were never attractive, and women with bleached-blonde hair, fake-and-bake ravaged skin, and faded looks that say they once ran the beauty pageant gauntlet themselves. Both groups seem to be desperately trying to live their twisted dreams out through their poor daughters. Listening to these women callously cut down their litte girls during rehearsals makes me feel so bad for them. It’s not that your five year old daughter “doesn’t want it enough”, she doesn’t want it at all, you unfit mother. YOU want it. Why don’t you tart yourself up instead? It’d be more honest.

These pageants are the perpetuation of a vapid, immoral, abusive process. The blatant sexualization of these children is disgusting. Little girls, forced to learn choreography the implications of which are beyond them… Plastic smiles on plastic faces, makeup layered thick and scary… the whole thing must be put together by closet pedophiles. When these girls are fourteen I can only assume that their parents will conclude that “appropriate date dress” is a thong and a necklace. Certainly they wouldn’t need a purse, since the date can be expected to pay for dinner, since “our little girl is so pretty”.

Anybody participating in these pageants should feel shameful and dirty.